FY2016 First Quarterly Report page 1

What an interesting first month it has been. I've done a lot of the interesting things that I expected to do, such as teaching a class larger than the staff of the McDonald's I worked at, eating unknown foods from street vendors, and understanding 10% of the words used by some of the people I interacted with. But those classes seem smaller each week, those once alien foods are a common sight (but not my common meal) and that 10% has grown on every encounter. 

This first month has been largely as I expected, even down to the 'unexpected' elements that I had accounted for; culture, food and language. At this point, I've got my routine figured out and have ceased learning how to survive; I have moved on to exploration. (Minecraft players, you know what I mean when I say "I've finished my house, now I'm digging for diamond and building a portal to the Nether.")

But what kind of adventure is this predictable and linear? Certainly not this one; it was only a matter of time before something came out of left field. 

And that's why now is a great time to mention alcohol.

I have always abstained from alcohol, even small amounts offered by my parents, because I hated the taste and did not want that disdain to change. But when the foreign teachers went out for drinks a few weeks ago I decided to join them. Oddly enough, the reason I decided to join was because I was actually in rather safe circumstances; the people I was with were experienced drinkers, had not demonstrated irresponsible behavior, the bar was within 'walking' distance down the street from the school, and I did not have a lot of money on my person. 

As they say, 'I'm gonna down some shots, only got 200 yuan in my pocket. I'm lookin', lookin' for a cocktail, this is freaking awesome.'

Alright, I didn't actually do shots. But that night, I did discover that I enjoy cocktails. But before I found that out, we hit a bar whose name I will not mention because they gave me what the teachers think was white rum and a cherry. I had ordered a Martini. We quickly went to a more professional institution called Drinksology, where I ordered an Apple and Elderflower, which I could actually drink, and rather enjoyed. Our troop found a table on the bar's second story and we talked and laughed and traded teaching ideas.

It was when I went to order my second drink that I met a girl from Thailand.

Pause. She did not become my girlfriend.

This Thai chick had a tongue that would make a sailor blush, two phones (Why?), and a rich boyfriend that would show up soon and would definitely pay for all the rounds of beer she kept ordering. By the time the first set of beers arrived, I realized, even through my buzz, that this girl had the most obvious case of "attract attention to compensate for low self esteem" I had ever seen, including my time in Scouts. Her foul language, loud volume and not present rich boyfriend put me on edge, so I slowed down a bit and didn't drink more than I could pay for. Actually, I may have slowed down because I was getting really dizzy. But she certainly didn't help.

After she sat at our table for an hour or two, something really insane happened. This guy Chris showed up. The rich boyfriend that gladly bought several rounds of beer and drank as much as his girlfriend cursed. He actually existed. Chris was a good foil for his girlfriend, and though he was Large-Haldron-Collider-level intense, I relaxed again and kept enjoying the opportunity to drink alcohol.

Unfortunately, I discovered that no matter how much beer someone else bought, I could not stand the bitter taste. I got a third cocktail, I believe it was a Vodka Ricky, and ate peanuts, enjoying the buzz from my first couple of drinks while the teachers accepted the beer and Chris Gan Bei'ed (Bottom's up'ed) at the drop of a hat.


Since that first night, the teachers and I have gone out for drinks a couple of times, and Chris has joined us for each. Since his girlfriend went back to Thailand, he doesn't buy as many show-off drinks, but since I didn't take any to begin with, I consider that a win.

In conclusion, my take away from this new activity surprised me; I cannot stand the taste of most alcohols. Beer and Whiskey are disgusting to me. And I discovered during lunch with my tutoring student's family that I also dislike red wine. So, when I do drink, I stick to sweet beverages. Oh, and I tried a cigarette. What's the big deal with those things?

Now, I think that's enough about 'the devils brew.' Join me next time to read about the ultimate Chinese phone, lights and lasers, and a fetch quest that got lost on its way to World of Warcraft.

This album has just a couple photos of my time in bars. As many may have noticed, I am not a prolific photographer, but the public demands photos, so I'll offer what I have. And one of them is this totally cool shot of me smoking like a boss.