Shake that Shade

Everyone has had those 'too good to be true' moments, where they were right; things really were too good, and when they decided to change, they changed for the absolute worst. I'm pretty sure that's happening to me now.

My first month in China has been a total blast so far; I've done so much new stuff, seen so many cool and strange things, and enjoyed the abundance of freedom and cheap food. And I was getting well paid to do work that I enjoyed, that challenged me and helped me grow. 

But, one aspect of my situation that has bugged me, a kind of worm of doubt, is that I'm not really qualified to teach at this school. I've been carrying my weight, but I don't have the certification, or really the right visa, to be a professional teacher in China, and especially not at a magnet school like #43. Knowing this, the school informed me from day one, since before I arrived, that I would actually just be filling the position until a qualified teacher arrived. At the time, I figured that probably meant, upon his arrival, my pay would be reduced by half, or so, the new teacher would take some of my classes, and life would continue about as it had before.

But I was wrong about all of that.

David, the new teacher, arrived at the end of last week. And my director told me he would actually handle all of my previous classes, and that I would be moved into the Kindergarten, where I will teach about 8 classes a week compared to my earlier 21. Because of these reduced hours, my salary will also be reduced to about a quarter of my original income; down to roughly 2200 yuan ($340) a month.

I guess, generally, this would not be a terrible blow. But, budgeting for a 50% decrease, I had planned a trip to Shanghai with the other teachers, and enrolled in a Chinese class that already costs about 2000 yuan a month. And my tutoring students don't bring in quite enough to live off. And there is the fact that I have actually no experience teaching five-year-olds. And, of course, I did not say goodbye to all of my previous classes.

Obviously, the pay decrease is something of a problem, but my new students are also kind of worrying me. I've already figured out from my previous classes and tutoring students that while all the kids I teach are cool enough, I do prefer to teach older kids; they are able to understand the higher concepts and technical nuances that I like to teach about. But kindergartners, as far as I have seen, have little capacity to understand these things in a second language, especially when they've only just become proficient in their first.

So, with this re-assignment, a cloud is passing in front of the sun here in Shijiazhuang. I have no doubt it will pass in time, but it is a bummer while it lasts. I guess while the shade is here, I'll rest in it, and pick up some more tutoring students to fill my schedule and wallet.

By the way, you guys don't worry too much; pray if you feel compelled to help. Financially, I'm already reacting by cutting back on my Chinese lessons from three times a week to only twice. I've also figured out my eating situation so that it's economic and healthy. And I just got my state and federal tax returns if I need some emergency cash from the ATM. As for teaching Kindergarten, there's less I can do to prepare, though I am doing what I can. 

Oh, and I took a few more pictures that can be found in the album. You know, if you're a pictures kind of person.

Go Tai He buy Miao Mi, no Xiao Mi.

After arriving in China, I had managed to buy a soldering iron in less than 72 hours. But I had no solder to use it with. I scoured the aisle in the store where I bought it, and I inspected almost every street on the block for some place that would sell it, but no one was selling solder. Then, one night when the teachers were out for drinks, in the dim, smoky light of the bar, Ross told me about Tai He; a multi story electronics market, where one could buy anything that was made with silicon, and one could buy it at Chinese prices. Since I also needed a phone, and some electronic components, this sounded like some El Dorado I didn't know I was looking for. I decided to make a quest of it: Acquire Solder of Fixing and Phone of Communication (+10 Repair Skill, +20 Chinese Skill, +50 exp.)

I planned and embarked on a trip to Tai He that weekend, for it is only a 30-40 minute bus ride away. After wandering into and around what I believe is Shijiazhuang's shopping district, and going up and down the wrong building, I finally found Tai He, and was immediately confused. Remember waterbottle street? Well, I found its electronic cousin. (And in the words of MMORPG fans, "it is time to raid the dungeon.")

Within 6 stories, there were hundreds of vendors, many selling the same products. I must have seen a dozen people selling the same electric razors, phone cords, chargers, flashlights, phones, radios, security cameras, ethernet cord and everything else. There was half a floor dedicated to karaoke equipment, and another floor dedicated to high-end PC hardware. And yet another floor focused on phones. There were thousands of phones, of every brand and model.

It was on this floor that I was trying to buy a phone, in broken Chinese, with a poor concept of what I needed and how much it should cost. I kind of felt like I was blindly wandering the map, in awe of the shopkeeper's wares, but acutely aware of how low my barter skill was.

The first shop I tried did not work out. I tried to tell them I wanted something cheap that didn't come with a plan, because I had no credit card to pay for such a plan. That confused them to no end, and I realized I they were probably getting more frustrated than I was. I abandoned that dialogue tree and looked for another stall.

Within seconds I was hailed by another salesman.

"Hello!" He said.

"说英语吗？" (Do you speak English?) I responded, hopefully.

Of course, he didn't. But his phone did, so we were in business. The man was no slick-suited, quick-talking stereotype that could sell you a phone that cost more than a car; he was actually a t-shirt wearing 20 something with a phone case that looked like a hundred Yuan note.

This image of sophistication was pleasant enough to work with, and put up with my poor ability to communicate what I wanted. Obviously, I needed a name brand phone, but I also wanted a cheap one. Then, seeing the products the salesman produced, I realized I also need a phone with an English operating system. (Quest requirements: Phone, price < 500 rmb, cannot have Phone Plan Curse, needs to be American Class compatible.)

He showed me a couple phones, and I remembered that Xiao Mi was a brand know for decent quality at reasonable prices, sort of like Samsung before they started edging into Apple's high-end market. I told the salesman I wanted to see a Xiao Mi, he said sure, and he showed me a pretty slick looking smartphone with an English operating system and two SIM card slots. Originally, I was planning on spending as little as possible on this phone, but after seeing the double SIM slots, I realized I could put a Chinese SIM and American SIM in it, and take it back tot the States with me. Since it had every feature I knew I needed, and one I didn't know I needed, I bought the phone, despite it going a bit above budget.

But, before I actually handed over the cash, I realized what a dunce I was! I was buying a phone from a nameless kiosk in China after all.

So, I had the salesman call his phone from the one I was about to buy, just to make sure it worked. Satisfied that it did, I picked up my new Xiao Mi, the SIM card I had bought to go with it, and got out of there for only 800rmb ($125). Obviously, I had been intelligent and careful, and definitely had not made any mistakes buying this Xiao Mi phone.

Next on my list was the elusive solder. On the floor where the man sold me the Xiao Mi, there were also tons of little shops were guys hunched over desks repairing phones with spare parts. Obviously, these guys would need solder, but most of them didn't seem to want to talk to me, perhaps they were non-interactive NPC's. Eventually though, I found a guy repairing radios, and asked him where I could buy some. The dialogue tree wasn't really working out, since I couldn't understand most of it, but he caught my drift and pulled his own roll of solder out of his inventory.

There was sort of an odd moment: I realized it would be a total pain trying to get this guy to tell me where I could buy my own roll, and his roll was basically full, and I actually knew a reasonable price for this stuff. So I said, "我会买这个焊锡." (I will buy this solder.) This prompted a look of confusion and surprise, but before the man could respond, his wife, who I had not seen, said it would cost 20 rmb, which was actually a good price. Quest completed, I made my way out of the dense, labyrinthine market.

On my way out I happened upon a green 100 mw laser that only cost 60 rmb. I had been questing for something like that since I was about 10, so I snatched up that great loot drop, content to buy it for half to a fifth the American price without even bartering.

And that would have marked the end of the quest, except that I stopped in McDonalds to get a better look at my new toys. And the man sitting across from me noticed the box that my phone had came in. And he told me, that my phone was a Miao Mi. And after a second, I realized that it was not, in fact, a Xiao Mi. I had bought one of the infamous Chinese Fake Products.

And that is, hopefully, the dumbest thing I do in China.

(Fortunately, the phone works, and is actually really nice to have. But, after thinking on it for a while, I realized it's kind of the penultimate Chinese phone: It's a knock off, the English is always a bit off, it came with WeChat already installed, and it has this kind of suspicious perpetual low memory error. Also, all the apps, including the app-market, are in Chinese, so I've started loading *.apk's onto it from my American phone so I can do more besides just talk and text.)

FY2016 First Quarterly Report page 1

What an interesting first month it has been. I've done a lot of the interesting things that I expected to do, such as teaching a class larger than the staff of the McDonald's I worked at, eating unknown foods from street vendors, and understanding 10% of the words used by some of the people I interacted with. But those classes seem smaller each week, those once alien foods are a common sight (but not my common meal) and that 10% has grown on every encounter. 

This first month has been largely as I expected, even down to the 'unexpected' elements that I had accounted for; culture, food and language. At this point, I've got my routine figured out and have ceased learning how to survive; I have moved on to exploration. (Minecraft players, you know what I mean when I say "I've finished my house, now I'm digging for diamond and building a portal to the Nether.")

But what kind of adventure is this predictable and linear? Certainly not this one; it was only a matter of time before something came out of left field. 

And that's why now is a great time to mention alcohol.

I have always abstained from alcohol, even small amounts offered by my parents, because I hated the taste and did not want that disdain to change. But when the foreign teachers went out for drinks a few weeks ago I decided to join them. Oddly enough, the reason I decided to join was because I was actually in rather safe circumstances; the people I was with were experienced drinkers, had not demonstrated irresponsible behavior, the bar was within 'walking' distance down the street from the school, and I did not have a lot of money on my person. 

As they say, 'I'm gonna down some shots, only got 200 yuan in my pocket. I'm lookin', lookin' for a cocktail, this is freaking awesome.'

Alright, I didn't actually do shots. But that night, I did discover that I enjoy cocktails. But before I found that out, we hit a bar whose name I will not mention because they gave me what the teachers think was white rum and a cherry. I had ordered a Martini. We quickly went to a more professional institution called Drinksology, where I ordered an Apple and Elderflower, which I could actually drink, and rather enjoyed. Our troop found a table on the bar's second story and we talked and laughed and traded teaching ideas.

It was when I went to order my second drink that I met a girl from Thailand.

Pause. She did not become my girlfriend.

This Thai chick had a tongue that would make a sailor blush, two phones (Why?), and a rich boyfriend that would show up soon and would definitely pay for all the rounds of beer she kept ordering. By the time the first set of beers arrived, I realized, even through my buzz, that this girl had the most obvious case of "attract attention to compensate for low self esteem" I had ever seen, including my time in Scouts. Her foul language, loud volume and not present rich boyfriend put me on edge, so I slowed down a bit and didn't drink more than I could pay for. Actually, I may have slowed down because I was getting really dizzy. But she certainly didn't help.

After she sat at our table for an hour or two, something really insane happened. This guy Chris showed up. The rich boyfriend that gladly bought several rounds of beer and drank as much as his girlfriend cursed. He actually existed. Chris was a good foil for his girlfriend, and though he was Large-Haldron-Collider-level intense, I relaxed again and kept enjoying the opportunity to drink alcohol.

Unfortunately, I discovered that no matter how much beer someone else bought, I could not stand the bitter taste. I got a third cocktail, I believe it was a Vodka Ricky, and ate peanuts, enjoying the buzz from my first couple of drinks while the teachers accepted the beer and Chris Gan Bei'ed (Bottom's up'ed) at the drop of a hat.


Since that first night, the teachers and I have gone out for drinks a couple of times, and Chris has joined us for each. Since his girlfriend went back to Thailand, he doesn't buy as many show-off drinks, but since I didn't take any to begin with, I consider that a win.

In conclusion, my take away from this new activity surprised me; I cannot stand the taste of most alcohols. Beer and Whiskey are disgusting to me. And I discovered during lunch with my tutoring student's family that I also dislike red wine. So, when I do drink, I stick to sweet beverages. Oh, and I tried a cigarette. What's the big deal with those things?

Now, I think that's enough about 'the devils brew.' Join me next time to read about the ultimate Chinese phone, lights and lasers, and a fetch quest that got lost on its way to World of Warcraft.

This album has just a couple photos of my time in bars. As many may have noticed, I am not a prolific photographer, but the public demands photos, so I'll offer what I have. And one of them is this totally cool shot of me smoking like a boss.

I Survived the Terrible Plague

The Horseman of Plague rode though the school this week, claiming a score of victims with his pestilent touch. It began, as far as I perceived, among the students and it first began affecting me when the teachers began falling. Multiple classes where missing their primary English teachers, and I had to work with substitutes; volunteers from the high school and interns who wanted to exercise their English. It was no great hassle, as I can conduct the class mostly without aid, and they did translate for me when needed.

But then, my voice was stolen. At first I believed the demon to be over-use. After all, I was talking above scores of children in a dry atmosphere, and my lesson for the week was about sound and song, requiring me to speak more often and at greater volume than usual. However, upon the break of the third day, I knew I was suffering no normal sore throat. I too had succumbed to the dread disease.

The first symptom, the sore throat matured slowly, gradual impairing my performance as I told kids about sounds and how to describe them. In the beginning, I simply didn't sing along when the lesson came to the musical portion. But as my condition worsened, I lost the ability to imitate the sounds I talked about.

Almost as soon as I moved on to my six grade classes, which thankfully did involve music, another symptom manifested; a runny nose that seemed inspired by Poseidon himself. Though it did not significantly increase my encumbrance, as the sore throat persisted, it did affect my life outside of school. I possessed naught, but paper towels to thwart the flow.

In a sick twist of irony, I next became exhausted by the lethargy of the ill, too tired to run errands. I made due with the paper towels and frequented the restaurants across the street for my meals, but I could not bring myself to trek to the supermarket to buy anything else. Fortunately, it seemed the fatigue was not a symptom of the disease, but of the healing afterwards, and it only lasted a few days, marking the end of my illness. And because it struck at the end of the week, it did not interfere with my ability to educate.

And at last, I am healed!  I battled that harshest fiend, the illness that preyed upon me, and I emerged victorious, not even allowing it to interrupt my good work. Over today, all my symptoms have ceased to bother, and I made a much needed trip  to the market to replenish my rations, including my crucial lifeblood: Mountain Dew. Energy restored, Green Dew replaced, and fresh week ahead, I am ready!



Yeah, so that's why this post is a couple days late.

Fortunately, I took a video of a class from just before the plague struck, so you guys can finally see me in action! Unfortunately, it is too big to fit in this album, where I keep everything else, and Blogger won't take it, so I'll have to figure something out, like cutting it down perhaps.But I'll let you know what's up with that on my next post!

Singing will continue until moral improves.

Today I was asked to leave a class. It was almost the end of the period, and it was because the teacher had some choice words for the unruly students that she didn't want me to hear. Based on what I have listened to, she must have been preparing to unload some heavy ammunition at those kids, but they deserved it. I packed my laptop as quickly as I could and left the room. The students all said goodbye, likely unaware of the hurricane that was about to strike. I wonder if this sort of thing ever happens in American classrooms when the class misbehaves for a guest speaker, I suspect it does, but only if it's politically correct.

 (TL;DR, if you're just here for the photos and videos I promised, here's the link.)

Other than that class, Grade 5 (2), my other classes have been great, especially as I get better at teaching. The improvement is largely because I've begun lecturing less and integrating more student interaction into my lessons. Initially, I was hesitant to do this because it meant I was communicating less material, and the the immense class size complicated any interaction. But, after I realized just how hard it is for some kids to understand me, I determined that games may teach them more than I do: Even if what they learn is not as complex as an idea that I could explain, if they can't understand that explanation then it has no value anyway.

After realizing this, I also sidestepped the class size problem by using a song as the interaction mechanism. As many people know, songs are an interesting and potentially powerful teaching tool. If the students concentrate while they sing, it is easy for them to memorize rather long passages of meaningful English, which they can practice and consider without a written aid. In a few classes I've attended and some I've seen, teachers have used meaningless or overly repetitive songs to teach kids, which sort of bugs me. I, with negligible musical skill, memorized some pretty long songs when I was a kid, and some of them had almost no repetition, like the National Anthem, or Weird Al's 'White and Nerdy.' So, when it came time to choose a song for my lesson I knew I wouldn't be using nursery rhymes, I would be using contemporary pop and classic rock. Both genres often have songs with simple lyrics that tell a story, catchy tunes, and cover a wide variety of subjects. Also, both genres are popular internationally, so it is likely my students will have heard songs from these two genres.

Today's Grade 5 lesson was about sounds, so choosing music was easy. After all, the was an international hit single released recently that was just about one sound. The Fox's sound. And that is how I got sixty kids to sing 'What Does The Fox Say.' But, I've only taught this lesson twice, and one of those was G5(2), so I'll have to observe my other classes to see if they get something out of this song. I hope they do, because it's an easy tool for me to use.

Finally, on a different note, I finally have some visual records of the school! I've taken pictures and videos from around the primary school, generally to show how big it is, and I've posted them in this album. You know, the one with the buy-one-get-one frogs. I'll continue to add more photos and videos here, so you can bookmark it if you want, but I'll try to link to it in each of my posts. And I promise the quality of my videos will improve, but some of the ones here are shot while I'm moving. Eventually, I also hope to film a few of my lessons, when I get good enough to film. I did capture about ten minutes of G5(2), but for the same reason they earned that teacher's wrath, I'll only use that video to analyse my own work and what I should improve, but I'll not post it. Tomorrow, I think I'll film a better class.

Life is like a box of chocolates: sometimes you get those stupid nougat things.

It is high time I talk about my actual job while I am here; teaching English. I am starting my second week at work and I think everyone back home wants to hear how things are going.

First of all, I had no idea what this job entailed until I arrived. I had no curriculum, no notes, I hadn't even researched ESL teaching techniques. I didn't know if these kids were already mostly fluent, or if they couldn't compose sentences. I had been told that I would be teaching middle school, probably 10-12 years old, but I was not sure if that was a guarantee or an estimate. I certainly didn't know my hours or how big the classes are. I was flying blind until I arrived.

Last week, the day after I landed, I finally got details:

•  I will be teaching grades 4-6.
• The kids would have a full spectrum of fluency; some can hardly read, some can speak like natives. 
• I will be teaching 21 classes a week, 35 minutes apiece. Each class contains 60 kids.
• Most classes would have a teacher present, to translate on occasion, or reprimand troublesome children. But, I heard, they are often not present.

Well, this is all good stuff; I was just glad to hear what I will be working with.Then came the kicker:

• The school did not have materials for me.

Now, I know my situation is a bit odd, but shouldn't they have mentioned that? Don't they have a book they teach from? Well, I do have lots of writing and speaking experience, it shouldn't be a problem. Also, the other teachers said there are given prompts and themes to base their lessons, so maybe I can use that too.

At this point, I was a bit confused, but still pretty chill with things. 60 kids is a lot, but the Chinese are more well-disciplined than Americans, right? 21 classes is also a lot, but since they are only 35 minutes long, I figured I wouldn't have trouble keeping up the energy to teach. And even if my assistant teacher didn't show up, I knew enough Chinese to make do if the class needed clarification.

As for curriculum, the head of the Primary School suggested I start by teaching out of a movie. Forrest Gump was a good choice since it had lots of clearly spoken English with varying levels of complexity, and even the most advanced students could learn about American culture. This lesson was going to be great.

Though there were a few hiccups, it looked like this job would go great. Now I just had to spend the week observing the other teachers so I could get an idea of what a class was like! The first person I observed was Maggie, who taught grade one.

That was when I found out I was going to be a terrible teacher.

She exhibited so much energy, acting out nearly every word she said, that I felt exhausted just watching the lesson. How can I charade everything I say during even a simple English lesson for 13 hours a week?! And I would feel downright clownish doing this in front of the older kids.

Next I sat through Ross' lesson, and I realized that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. He taught grade three's, and not only did they not need a full Broadway performance to stay engaged, Ross didn't have a game every five minutes. Perhaps I would be fine.

The final teacher I observed was Kirstie, who teaches grades 7 and 8, and by that time I realized that as long as I didn't drone or lecture without a visual aid, I would be fine. Kirstie's a great teacher, but she is as intense as a cell phone ring.



Now, after all this, it was time for my first class. Monday morning, 9:20, showed up a few minutes early to set up my laptop. I had my Gump lesson, a sharp outfit, a full water bottle. I was doing great. The lesson?

It went terribly.

I discovered that Forrest Gump is at least three grades too advanced. Also, my presentation's organization was terrible. And I speak too fast. And whenever there was a lull in my lecture, or if I tried speaking a few words of Chinese, or if I said something a bit interesting, the class would start generating as much background chatter as the Dulles Airport control tower.

So, I started editing my slides between classes, I tried speaking as slow as possible, and I learned that the classes are trained to quite down when the teacher claps. So, my lessons quickly improved.

The night after that first day, I also completely re-wrote my material. Forrest Gump 'ran like the wind blows' out of my lesson and America colonized in his place. Now, I spent my lesson telling my students about my home country and talking about myself in more basic language. I threw in a couple more sections where the students could talk, and looked it over to make sure I used an elementary vocabulary for all written text.

And everything, finally, went well.



I know this is a lot to read, but for any readers getting bored of my text adventures, I suggest you stay tuned. I'll be uploading some pictures and videos soon to show you guys how big a 60 kid class is, how loud a 60 kid class is, and what it looks like when 1200+ kids do their morning exercise. Oh, and I may include some video of one of my lessons, one that goes well.

News from the East: A taste of the West, just South of the North city.

I FOUND IT! I can Do the Dew, Dude! I found Mountain Dew!

It's a wonder of wonders, but it turns out that underground market I mentioned in my last post has a better selection of soda than I thought, and I picked up a small bottle of Mountain Dew to make sure it's as good as it is in the states. Also, 500 ml is the only size of Mountain Dew they sell, so I'll have to buy several next time I go back there, which will be tomorrow. Anyway, that's not really a problem, since it's a healthy reduction from the amount I consumed back in the States. I won't disclose how much I used to drink, but I'll admit it was an 'American' portion. For now though, it's a bit too late in the evening to be drinking caffeinated soda, so I'll hold off on my Dew until tomorrow.

That Sweet Green Dew isn't the only Western beverage I picked up today; I picked up some Blue Sprite as an experiment. It caught my eye, sitting next to the Mountain Dew, and I figured I should sample something exotic; it looked like some kind of Sprite of version Baja Blast with a bright blue shade. Mind you, all the labels are in Chinese, or so I thought, so I really had no idea what it was when I bought it. When I got home, I discovered that the back of the label was in English, and that English told me the flavor was "Icy Mint." Remember when I said they cater to different (Very) non-western tastes? I have little interest in trying Chinese, Minty Sprite, so I'll wait to try that one tomorrow too.

I also got some milk! You know, some nice, healthy calcium to balance that sugar. The Chinese take on milk is very different than I, as an American, am used to. Evidently, they treat milk as a high-end commodity, selling it at a premium in 1 Liter cartons that cost about $5 a pop. Surprisingly, they don't keep these liters in refrigerated displays; either they have a lot of faith in pasteurization or they don't have much invested in the cow product, which is not reflected in the price. And the milk is imported from Germany. For some reason. Finally, they sell it with 1.5% "Fett" which I think is similar to the American 2% I'm used to, and they also sell 3.5% and Whole Milk. Is that 1.5% supposed to be Skim Milk?

That's about enough of my little shopping story, but there is one more thing that I want to mention; prices. Aside from the soda, which was fairly normal, almost all the other western foods I've purchased have stood out above 'normal' food. Bread can be pretty steep, and they like to sell it in half-size loaves, Peanut Butter is about $3 for 340 grams, and (Imported!) Corn flakes were pricey, even at Walmart. So, I need to start adapting a more Chinese diet if I want to save some money to bring back home. Maybe I'll start frequenting that place that sold those good dumplings. But what do I eat for breakfast?